How do you deal with the hurt and disappointment that your children have to go. How do you come to terms with their upset and hurt. How do you let go. It’s hard when you realise you can’t stop the world from hurting them but harder when it’s you doing the hurting.
I feel awful today. Two of my children are struggling when they should just be busy being kids. We are turning all their lives upside down trying to do the right thing by one of them knowing it will have an impact on us all. Myself and my husband are big enough and ugly to handle it. We know we are doing the right thing for the right reasons but it’s the kids who also have to cope with the fallout.
My daughter is a nurturer. A motherer. I knew when I told her that I was pregnant with Arthur and she cried because she was so happy that she was going to be an awesome big sister. Really I knew long before that. I knew she was an awesome big sister when she formed the closest bond with her childminders daughters. Very often the childminder would say she didn’t know how she would’ve coped some days without my daughter there. She is naturally loving and caring and she feel things very deeply. Often she can’t articulate what she’s feeling. Today she could. Today she asked me why me and her brothers Dad were such good friends but
why me and her Daddy couldn’t be friends.
How do you explain that to a 9 year old. I don’t want to diss her father to her. I don’t think it’s right. My daughter is entitled to a full and loving relationship with her father and her father’s family totally separate and unaffected by my relationship or previous relationship with him. I don’t agree with people who say “she’ll understand when she’s older”. I don’t want her to. I don’t ever want her to think her father is an idiot or a bad dad or be disappointed by him. So I don’t want her to find out or realise anything when she’s older.
I didn’t know how to explain adult feelings and mature complicated relationships to my crying 9 year old who just wants everyone to be friends. So instead I told her I loved her very much and that her father loved her very much and that we didn’t need to be friends to be able to do that.
And then I felt like shit for the rest of the day.